My deepest secret is your deepest secret

What if I told you that everyone’s deepest secret is the same. Yours, mine, the people we see on TV, the ones we encounter on the road, the ones who seem to lead the glamorous lives on Instagram. We all connect on this secret, our deepest fear – the fear to be lonely, to be left alone.

To ever be lonely, amongst everyone who fear loneliness deep down, is quite the oxymoron. How can we ever be alone if all that everyone wants is to belong and to connect. However, it also makes perfect sense. See, we were all babies and children once, naively and enthusiastically hoping to connect; we were naked, with no protective layers. We opened our arms and ran laughing to our parents, to other children and to strangers. And we got ignored, laughed at, rejected, abandoned and hurt. Not always, and some of us more than others, but in admittedly all of us, at some point, to a certain degree. With every instance of pain, we decided to protect ourselves by wearing a layer of cloth on our naked hearts and toughening our callouses. So next time when we encountered someone, we felt less. Less pain, yes, but also less emotions all together. Pain is not the easiest human emotion, and so we traded it with the chance of connection. But the harder our callouses and the thicker our outfit, the more isolated we’ve become amongst a pool of people. Everyone became lonely, among everyone else.

Except, how powerful yet how incredibly difficult and courageous it is to strip our layers as adults and dare to stand naked in front of each other, in front of strangers. With wonder, with awe, with vulnerability and with open arms. To give each other and to ourselves a chance to try again. It’s incredibly difficult because there is no doubt that 5 attempts out of 10 will result in pain. 4 of those 10, probably in apathy. But if we are lucky, how great will it be to form a connection with even one person out of those 10. To introduce them to our layers, and allow them a peak into our core.

At the end of the day, both our deepest fear and our deepest desire is the same. All of us are afraid to be lonely and all of us want connection, love and belonging. The trick is however, that these are the two sides of the same coin, without letting one go, we cannot see the other one. How great would it be to cultivate the courage to trade fear, this time, for connection, love and belonging.

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